Showing posts with label abusive relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label abusive relationships. Show all posts

The Emotional Incest Syndrome: What to do When a Parent's Love Rules Your Life Review

The Emotional Incest Syndrome: What to do When a Parent's Love Rules Your Life
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The Emotional Incest Syndrome: What to do When a Parent's Love Rules Your Life ReviewIt can be extremely emotionally validating to realize some things you experienced as a child were unhealthy, especially if they get in the way of happy, productive relationships later in life. This book is about recognizing unhealthy, enmeshed relationships and learning how to move toward something more healthy. It teaches you how to do the work necessary to make things better for yourself. You won't change the parent who put you in an emotionally incestuous situation so don't waste your energy on an effort that's guaranteed to fail. Instead focus on learning new ways to respond to the unhealthy behaviors of your parents. This will enable you to recognize and change your own unhealthy behaviors, which is especially important if you are a parent who wants to end the cycle of emotionally-damaging parent/child relationships.
This book helps to identify, understand, and overcome many prior experiences that have been holding you back. It describes perfectly the relationship my husband had with his mother, his inability to pull away for so long, and the reaction of his family when he finally tried to gain a healthy distance from her. Recognizing this behavior and learning to deal with it was an emotional life saver for me. If I could give this book 10 stars, I would!The Emotional Incest Syndrome: What to do When a Parent's Love Rules Your Life Overview

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Dealing with the CrazyMakers in Your Life: Setting Boundaries on Unhealthy Relationships Review

Dealing with the CrazyMakers in Your Life: Setting Boundaries on Unhealthy Relationships
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Dealing with the CrazyMakers in Your Life: Setting Boundaries on Unhealthy Relationships ReviewWritten by Dr. David Hawkins, a counselor of more than 30 years' experience, Dealing With the Crazy Makers in Your Life: Settling Boundaries on Unhealthy Relationships is a no-nonsense guide to dealing with the people who literally drive one crazy - whether they are spouses, other family members, co-workers, or anyone else one has to interact with on a regular basis. Chapters cover different individual types with flaws that can induce mind-crunching headaches, including aggressors, egotists, borderlines (those who appear rational but may explode at any moment), sufferers/martyrs, and rigid control freaks. The true value of Dealing with the Crazy Makers in Your Life lies in its practical, no-nonsense advice for coping with such people: the importance of setting boundaries; how crucial it is to never bluff and always follow through on any rules or promises; the value of letting an irresponsible individual suffer the consequences of his irresponsibility rather than clean up after him; and more. "Crazy-makers lack boundaries. They have a way of manipulating us into saying more than we are comfortable of saying and doing more than we want to do. We catch ourselves too late, after we've already spilled our guts. We must learn the importance of privacy." Though there are Christian elements within Dealing with the Crazy Makers in Your Life, such as recommendations to pray and spend time in the Word, Dealing with the Crazy Makers in Your Life is primarily a problem-solving self-help guide for readers of all backgrounds and faiths. Highly recommended.Dealing with the CrazyMakers in Your Life: Setting Boundaries on Unhealthy Relationships Overview

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Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life Review

Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life
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Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life ReviewAfter reading the one-star review by the reader from NY on March 14, 2000, I had to respond. It seems to me this person is awfully defensive and, I suspect, is guilty of some of the behavior that is described as abusive in the book...
No parent is perfect. We all know that. This book is not about demonizing parents. It is about learning to recognize incidents in our lives that adversely affect our behavior and our emotional well-being. I bought this book because of problems my husband and I were having with his parents. Since he was a child, he had been put into a role of emotional partner to his mother. When he decided to start doing some things on his own, she got very upset and started pouring on the guilt. I arrived on the scene at about the same time and became a convenient scapegoat, accused of manipulating him and stealing him away from them. Unfortunately (before I found this book and other helpful ones) things got really bad, and now we have virtually no relationship with my in-laws. It's a very sad situation. However, my husband and I now recognize the games for what they are and no longer buy into the idea that it's our fault for "upsetting" them so much that they just can't be around us. (If I hadn't experienced it myself, I wouldn't have believed that adults could behave in such an irrational manner! ) Reading books like this one and speaking with counselors has provided us with useful insights that will help us interact with them in a healthy manner, if we ever get the chance again.
If you're going through this too, you are NOT alone! Get this book and read it. It helps you recognize behaviors that are harmful to you. It helps you learn to overcome problems in the past and avoid inappropriate treatment in the future. I also recommend the book "The Adult Child's Guide to What's Normal" by John C. Friel and Linda Friel for anyone who found this book helpful. It's not as detailed, but it gives a lot of information in a very easy-to-read format. If you're being manipulated by your parent(s), I recommend "Emotional Blackmail," also by Susan Forward. If you were put into an inappropriate role by your parents, I strongly suggest "Emotional Incest Syndrome" by Patricia Love and Jo Robinson. The title is disturbing but the information is excellent!Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life Overview

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