The Renaissance Soul: Life Design for People with Too Many Passions to Pick Just One Review

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The Renaissance Soul: Life Design for People with Too Many Passions to Pick Just One Review"Renaissance Souls love nothing better than to take on a new problem or situation and then dig into...until we master the challenge we've set for ourselves. And then, with fresh enthusiasm, we move on to another passion. We are lucky people who, if left to our own devices, are never bored for long." - Margaret Lobenstine
Do you resist confining yourself to just one hobby or career? Are bookstore and libraries candy stores to you? Do friends suggest that you become a contestant on game shows because you know "something about everything"? Are you capable of becoming passionately excited about a wide variety of subjects? Do you find yourself interrupting yourself, dropping one task to pick up another before it's done?
If any of these descriptions sound like you, then you're probably a Renaissance Soul. Unlike the Mozarts of the world who always knew what they wanted to do in life or enjoyed sticking to one discipline, Renaissance Souls are the Ben Franklins of the world. That is, we have many concurrent interests and the idea of settling on "just one" (or even two) makes us nervous and nauseous.
Most of the world operates on the idea that "settling on a career" or "getting focused" by steadily climbing the corporate ladder over decades is the "right"-and secure-way to live. However, for a Renaissance Soul to attempt to squeeze in such a confining mindset is almost like a living death.
Despite a long, proud history of inventiveness and cultural influence among the ranks of Renaissance Souls, parents, teachers, and the social climate at large insist that we are somehow defective. This often leaves us feeling discouraged, frustrated, and confused. Why are we like this? Why can't we be "normal", and limit our passions, hobbies, and career endeavors to "just one"?
Fortunately for us, author and life-coach Margaret Lobenstine has written a book especially for Renaissance Souls, offering encouragement, validation, and practical tools for living a fulfilling, joyful life. The Renaissance Soul: Life Design for People with Too Many Passions to Pick Just One is an incredible resource that explains the difference between choice and focus, shows how to thrive on many interests without feeling scattered, and equips individuals with powerful life-design strategies.
Lobenstine also illustrates how Renaissance Souls can transform a day job so that it carries dreams forward, learn a new field without going back to school, and get paid for your passions. However, even if money isn't your goal and you just want to be able to explore, engage, and enjoy your multitude of interests, the author provides wonderful exercises for getting the most out of your pursuits.
The section called The Ice-Cream Sampler alone is worth the price of the book! Lobenstine-also a Renaissance Soul-can sympathize with the dilemma that "choosing has often meant losing". However, she helps her fellow Renaissance Souls learn an invaluable tool called Focal Point Strategy. By using the analogy of sampling dozens of ice cream flavors "four flavors at a time", the author demonstrates the mechanics and benefits of focusing your interests. Focusing, she asserts, brings more, not less, to a world of possibilities-offering variety with clarity and concentration. She writes:
"I can't emphasize enough what a powerful difference it makes in a Renaissance Soul's life to feel free to focus on three or four or five things for now, and let others wait until later. We simply can't juggle dozens of interests at once. And yet, there is a kind of abundance that flows from establishing a tighter focus."
As one who has had many interests throughout life-some of which I've explored in depth for years-I'm all too familiar with having *so* many interests, that paralysis sets in when trying to decide what to do next. I've been a minister, a teacher, a counselor, an interior decorator, a credit solicitor, a webmaster, and free-lance writer. I'm a stay at home Mom who home schools, am a professional Tarot reader, and pursue many intellectual and spiritual interests on the side. I was surprised and comforted to learn that there are many people out there like me and we have a name: Renaissance Souls.
Another invaluable tool from the book is the "Five from Fifty" exercise where you decide your five main values right now. According to Lobenstine:
"People who aren't fully committed to the values that their activities represent sputter through life, pulled in one direction by their commitments and in another by their spirits."
Not only does she show Renaissance Souls how to choose their five most important values, but she also demonstrates how to run activities through the filter of "Whose values are these? Mine or someone else's?"
One of my personal study projects, lasting years, has been personality systems. One of these systems-the Enneagram-demonizes Type 7's for not focusing, claiming that we have a multitude of interests because we're trying to run from or hide extreme emotional pain. Hogwash! I bought that silly lie for several years and finally realized it just isn't true. A Type 7's salvation isn't being like a Type 5, hunkering down and choosing "just one" focus to exhaust ad infinitum until we transform ourselves into a boring, single-minded geek.
I came across The Renaissance Soul: Life Design for People with Too Many Passions to Pick Just One quite by accident while in large chain bookstore. In fact, I was on my way out of the bathroom-heading towards the coffee counter before leaving-when I saw this book on a display. After I read the dust jacket, I KNEW this was a book written for people just like me...and bought it immediately.
While the entire book is a gold mine for Renaissance Souls, the Focal Point Strategy has been invaluable for me. I now realize that I can pursue all my interests-just not all at once. This strategy has freed up amazing amounts of time and energy, helping me to get the most out of what I've chosen to do and curing me of "analysis paralysis". If you're a Renaissance Soul or a Type 7 in the Enneagram, this book is an incredible resource for staying on track, sucking the marrow out of life (and your interests), using your unique personality to your advantage, and celebrating the spirit of the Renaissance Soul.
-- Janet Boyer, author of The Back in Time TarotThe Renaissance Soul: Life Design for People with Too Many Passions to Pick Just One Overview

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Spiritual Emergency: When Personal Transformation Becomes a Crisis (New Consciousness Readers) Review

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Spiritual Emergency: When Personal Transformation Becomes a Crisis (New Consciousness Readers) ReviewIn his book "Cosmic Consciousness," published in 1901, Richard Bucke writes of "certain men who...are either exalted, by the average self conscious individual, to the rank of gods, or, adopting the other extreme, are adjudged insane." This is the earliest mention I have found of the potential problem inherent in the spiritual growth process: bouts of madness, or at least extreme dysfunction. The Grofs have put together a collection of essays by themselves and various other authors which explore the psychic/psychological dynamics of what they call "spiritual emergency." That's their term for when the growth process puts a person into psychic overload. The essays describe different aspects of such overload, as well as ways to help someone (or oneself) through it.

A repeating theme throughout the book is that too often such people are pathologized and medicated by well-meaning but materialistic-minded health care workers. This not only terminates the process so that breakthrough cannot occur, it can also drive the patient into permanent madness. Some of the contributors to this book include Roberto Assagioli, John Weir Perry, Ram Dass, Lee Sannella, Holger Kalweit, and others. There is a fascinating piece by Keith Thompson entitled "The UFO Encounter Experience as a Crisis of Transformation," which is the most profound way of looking at UFO abduction phenomenon that I've ever read. I recommend this book to anyone interested in personal growth--it is interesting, well-edited, and filled with a lot of useful information.Spiritual Emergency: When Personal Transformation Becomes a Crisis (New Consciousness Readers) Overview

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Everything Happens for a Reason: Finding the True Meaning of the Events in Our Lives Review

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Everything Happens for a Reason: Finding the True Meaning of the Events in Our Lives ReviewI recently purchased Mira's Kirshenbaum's new book "Everything Happens For A reason" and I found this book to be very inspiration and most beneficial. As a woman that has had much adversity in my life over these past few years, the author encouraged, that even through the worst of times, growth and peacefulness will emerge if we are open to trust in ourselves and the fact that everything does happen for a reason. As a mother that lost her only child 4 years ago to leukemia at the age of 10, I could not believe at the time, that any positives could ever come from one of the most devastating experience any parent could ever imagine. The truth is...they have....through my grief work I have grown in ways I never would have ever explored, had I not going through this experience I have had to endure. This book brought me a peacefullness in knowing that the twist and turns in our lifetime do have reason, that they help us to find true authenticity of self and to help direct us back on course to find the true meaning of our life here on this earth. The author knows first hand about adversity losing many loved ones of her own during the holcaust. Through her sharing in this book of her first hand experience with adversity in her own life, I felt that she truly could relate and understand my struggles as well. For anyone that has gone through a deep loss, whether it be a death of a loved one, illness or divorce this book is a wonderful resource to assit you with your healing. I highly recommend this book!
Lin from NHEverything Happens for a Reason: Finding the True Meaning of the Events in Our Lives Overview

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Understanding the Tin Man: Why So Many Men Avoid Intimacy Review

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Understanding the Tin Man: Why So Many Men Avoid Intimacy ReviewMr. July picks up in "Understanding the Tin Man," where he so insightfully left off in "Brothers, Lust, and Love." I am definitely impressed with the author and his latest work. It is evident that Mr. July has personally experienced that of which he writes. He reveals the most intimate details of how and why so many men avoid intimacy, with the opportunity for self checks and "Things to Think About" at the end of each chapter. He also provides the opportunity for both sexes to take a closer look at their significant other and themselves. Mr. July's manner and approach with the two are down to earth and encouraging. His style of writing leaves the impression of having shared an intimate conversation and/or discussion with one's closest friend... as in no demands as to what one should do, but leaving the door open for positive and new realizations about one's self and way of being.
"Understanding the Tin Man" is a refreshing read. It encourages and promotes a realistic understanding of the various "Tin" issues between the sexes. Though the title and subheading suggest a read geared toward women, the book is a definite must read for men too. It includes helpful references and positive messages for them throughout, and offers ideal ways to better or begin to make self-imposed changes that encourage a stronger love of self, family, and friends. This book is definitely a "five" star, plus.Understanding the Tin Man: Why So Many Men Avoid Intimacy Overview

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Path of Least Resistance: Learning to Become the Creative Force in Your Own Life Review

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Path of Least Resistance: Learning to Become the Creative Force in Your Own Life ReviewMany of us realize that our lives are driven by certain learned patterns of behavior and thinking. This little treasure helps us to identify those patterns that we fall into unconsciously on a daily basis. It brings them into consciousness, where we can alter them and transform our lives. These old patterns form deep groves into our minds (the path of least resistance), which we too easily fall back into--unless something comes along to form a new, powerful and more effective pattern. Examples and analogies abound here, from the creation of musical compositions to manifesting the ideal job for you. It is practical and yet touches something at a deeply spiritual and creative level.
This book is not for the feeble-minded. Read it slowly and let your psyche absorb it with pleasure. If you have the resources to commit to reading and comprehending it, it will change your life. Are you concerned about the environment? Are you worried about something else going on in the world or in your life? Listen to me-- after you read this book you will view and be able to act upon ANY global or personal "problem" in a new and more powerful way! I'm not kidding. Our thoughts and words have so much power! Our patterns of thoughts and words can create a world we only dreamed about before. This book is magical. This book shows us how to be responsible for the state of our lives and the condition of the world around us. It teaches us how to own our personal power.Path of Least Resistance: Learning to Become the Creative Force in Your Own Life Overview

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Whale Done : The Power of Positive Relationships Review

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Whale Done : The Power of Positive Relationships ReviewWhenever Ken Blanchard (one of my favorite authors) comes
out with a new book, I usually rush to read it . . . so when I
saw that WHALE DONE! THE POWER OF POSITIVE
RELATIONSHIPS had just been released, I got hold of
a copy and devoured it in one sitting.
You'll be able to do so, too, in that it is real short . . . but
don't be fooled into thinking that there's not a lot of "meat"
contained in its 128 pages . . . Blanchard, along with
coauthors Thad Lacinak, Chuck Tompkins and Jim
Ballard, takes a simple tale and uses it to get you
thinking about how both whales and people perform
better when you accentuate the positive . . . that information
may sound basic, but it is far too often never used.

The story revolves around a gruff manager who visits
SeaWorld and is impressed with how animal trainers
of killer whales can get them to perform amazing
acrobatic leaps and dives . . . he begins to see how
these same techniques could be applied to his
business life, as well as his situation at home . . . in
addition, he learns the difference between "GOTcha"
(catching people doing things wrong) and "Whale
Done!" (catching people doing things right).
I particularly liked the many examples that were used,
and the fact that these could be applied to countless
work and home situations.
There were many memorable passages; among them:
"The point here is that progress--doing something better--is
constantly being noticed, acknowledged, and rewarded.
We need to do the same thing with people--catch them
doing things better, if not exactly right, and praise
progress. That way, you set them up for success and
build from there."
"Killer whales can 'take out' any other animal in the
ocean. We sometimes use that information when we're
working with dog trainers. Some of them scold and yell
at their animals. They use choke chains and sometimes
hit them. When they talk about that kind of treatment, I
ask them, 'If your dog weighed eleven thousand pounds
like Shamu, the whale, how would you treat him? Would
you use a choke collar or smack him around?' I don't
think so."
If you don't hire people on a performance review curve,
why grade them on one?
My only criticism is that some of the material seems
recycled from Blanchard's first bestseller, THE
ONE MINUTE MANAGER . . . but maybe that's not
such a bad thing, in that I still consider this his best
work . . . and a "must" read for anybody who has not
yet had the pleasure of experiencing it.Whale Done : The Power of Positive Relationships Overview

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The Heart Aroused : Poetry and the Preservation of the Soul in Corporate America Review

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The Heart Aroused : Poetry and the Preservation of the Soul in Corporate America ReviewFrankly, I found this to be an especially demanding book even when reading it for a second time. Whyte requires of his reader a rigorous as well as truthful self-exploration, and in ways and to an extent few other authors do. As is so often true in other dimensions of human experience, the benefits derived from reading his book are almost wholly dependent upon how much is personally invested in it. As Whyte explains, he wrote this book "hoping it would be read in two ways. First, as a good story about the difficulties and dramas of preserving the soul at work -- in short, a page-turner; second, as a book that could be studied, contemplated, and discussed with others." More than 50 years ago, Mortimer Adler affirmed the value of reading the "great books" because they stimulate and enrich what he called "a conversation across the centuries." I think this is what Whyte has in mind when providing, in the book's final section (a "User's Guide"), a number of thoughts for reflection and discussion as well as for self-questioning. For example: "What is my heart's desire in life? What are some of the particularities of the way I like to live? What are the essential qualities that give me a sense of belonging? How can work be a good servant to my essential nature instead of a taskmaster?" As I now reflect on this book after a second reading, I think its greatest value lies not only in the truth of what Whyte expresses so eloquently but also in what his assertions and questions require his readers to consider as they seek spiritual fulfillment in their own lives. Those who my high regard for this book are urged to read Whyte's other books, especially Crossing the Unknown: Work as a Pilgrimage of Identity and Fire in the Earth; also, to check out David Maister's Practice What You Preach and Tim Sanders' Love Is the Killer App as well as Eliyahu M. Goldratt's The Goal, Critical Acclaim, and It's Not Luck.The Heart Aroused : Poetry and the Preservation of the Soul in Corporate America Overview

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Rewire Your Brain: Think Your Way to a Better Life Review

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Rewire Your Brain: Think Your Way to a Better Life ReviewThis book looked interesting as the neural plasticity movement is something that has come along in recent decades, since I was trained in neurobiology, and wanted to find out more about it since I felt I was somewhat out of date on new developments. So I bought the book and brought it home.
Then I looked at the back cover and it said the author was the "Director of Training in Mental Health at Kaiser Permanente." I almost threw the book away at that point, having rarely heard anyone say anything positive about Kaiser in the several decades I've been aware of them, and having read and heard a snoot full of negative stuff.
But I started to read it anyway, and I'm glad I did. It's a useful, well written, and informative book on these new ideas related to rewiring your brain. The author does a fine job of explaining the relevant neurobiology without getting too technical, and perhaps even more importantly, explaining how these new scientific developments can be used to rewire your brain. Such recent findings as mirror neurons, spindle cells in the hippocampus, neurogenesis, brain nutrition, differences in the brain between men and women, and many other new findings, get discussed along with their implications for plasticity and rewiring.
The book has a good chapter on brain nutrition which has increasingly come to the forefront in recent years as a way to enhance brain function and prevent its deterioration in age, especially in the case of memory functions, so if you're into vitamins and supplements (or even if you're not), this might be the book for you.
This book is packed with useful information, but I would point out that although this new knowledge about the plasticity of the brain has been called a "revolution," there's nothing really new here. The great Austin Riesen (who I studied under briefly) first demonstrated the growth of synaptic trees and dendrites in response to learning and stimulus enrichment using monkeys as subjects back in the 50s. What's different is that we do know more about it and how to promote it, and it's taken more seriously now by physicians and psychologists and neurobiologists. And perhaps most important, apparently effective evidence based therapies and treatments have been developed.
Overall an excellent and readable book on this subject.Rewire Your Brain: Think Your Way to a Better Life Overview

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The Saturated Self: Dilemmas Of Identity In Contemporary Life Review

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The Saturated Self: Dilemmas Of Identity In Contemporary Life ReviewI found this book very interesting to read. I did not find it disturbing or brilliant. Anyone who uses the internet, watches television and videos and has been jet lagged from global travel will find this an accurate account of contemporary post-modern man's global lifestyle It has the same fun reading style and spirit as T.Friedman's "The Lexus and The Olive Tree" but with a psychosocial take rather than an economic social view. This work is not grounded in biological science and the generalizations he does make from quantum science are skewed though standard post-modern mantra as far as I know. Scientists may not relate to nature or reality directly as he argues but they do relate to mathematical inferences about nature that allow them to predict with a high degree accuracy how nature works. Otherise I wouldnt' be writing this on the computer. But then Gergen himself says that the book may be just fiction or invention not a building of ideas on top of ideas. Readers interested in the topic of self-consciousness could balance Gergen's argument with A. Damasio's "The Feeling of What Happens" and G. Edelman's "Bright Air and Brilliant Fire".Both of these works attempt to ground consciousness in the body.The Saturated Self: Dilemmas Of Identity In Contemporary Life Overview

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Metaframeworks: Transcending the Models of Family Therapy (Jossey-Bass Social & Behavioral Science) Review

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Metaframeworks: Transcending the Models of Family Therapy (Jossey-Bass Social & Behavioral Science) ReviewI'm surprised that this book has 0 customer reviews, so here's a review:
I see the aim of this book as to provide a structure for a therapist to combine various models of therapy into a workable therapy, rather than to either use a single model or to combine models in haphazard ways. That being the goal, it does a good job at achieving this by providing 6 core metaframeworks such as "Sequences", "Developmental", and the individual's own internal thought system, "Internal Family Systems".
This book works with factors from the individual to the society level, which is good because people are both individuals, family, and societal (a part of and influenced by society). Systems thinking is well-integrated into the book, as well as defined.
This metaframeworks book integrates four building blocks to help a therapist integrate models specific to their clients. The four building blocks are:
The systemic view, a set of presuppositions, the metaframeworks themselves, and the blueprint for therapy.
This book lacks much detail in how to do specific therapies, but that makes sense because it isn't a book of frameworks, but *metaframeworks*. It can integrate, to some degree, any model a person wishes to apply to it. If you're looking for a way to effectively combine family therapy models, look no further (are there even any books like this to look further at, anyway?). If you're looking for a new model to try, you might not find what you're looking for here, though the Internal Family Systems (IFS) section does go over some basics of the IFS model.
I found out a couple years ago that the three-year therapy masters program at Central Connecticut State University uses this book as the core of their program, having their students use the concepts of this book to combine various models in order to do therapy with a diverse range of clients with various reasons for coming to therapy.Metaframeworks: Transcending the Models of Family Therapy (Jossey-Bass Social & Behavioral Science) Overview

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Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience Review

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Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience ReviewIf anyone is seeking a "recipe" for "optimal experience" do not read this book. This book is not a step-by-step self-help guide. Neither is it a pedantic overview of psychological studies replete with statistical analyses, i.e., hard data, proving "flow" exists. The simplest way to summarize this book is, it describes how different people create meaning in life with full intention and focus and thereby achieve an ongoing state of satisfaction and sense of fulfillment.
The book begins with an overview of how people define and achieve happiness. Essentially, the author contends, most people are not happy because the universe was not created to make us happy but on the contrary, it serves to frustrate us and help us grow ... The primary focus of this book is to show us that "flow" states happen to people despite the challenges of the universe, it happens to people from all walks of life, from all cultures, throughout the world.
Flow is a state of consciousness which can be achieved on an individual path. It also has common elements which anyone who is experiencing the state can identify. The author examines the common experiences which people who are in a state of "flow" describe. It seems people who are in "flow" achieve a state of consciousness that is in harmony with their surroundings and feelings. They do not make distinctions between work and play ... people in "flow" create an inner state of being that brings them peace and fulfillment that is separate from their external environment. They are focused, what they do is meaningful and has purpose, they are absorbed in their activities and they have a sense of connection to their inner self and and also with others. The state called "flow" pertains to enjoyment and satisfaction with one's quality of life. The basis for the flow experience seems to be creating meaning and controlling consciousness where a state of unity exists which is consistent with a person's life themes. Some people experience it for minutes, some for hours, some for days on end ... evidently it can be sustained for long periods of time by some people. This book is highly recommended for anyone interested in the "psychology of being alive here and now."
Erika Borsos (erikab93)Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience Overview

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Love Is a Choice: The Definitive Book on Letting Go of Unhealthy Relationships Review

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Love Is a Choice: The Definitive Book on Letting Go of Unhealthy Relationships ReviewI found the information in this book very helpful. It is easy to read and understand. It is encouraging. It provides insight into what's going on when you're trying to cast off old ways of living that hold you back.
This book is worth reading, not only for the information to help you grow personally, but to be more aware and understanding of others in your life.
Although the authors may be religious, this does not come across heavily in the book and would not complicate a non-religious person using the information and insights to change things they don't like.Love Is a Choice: The Definitive Book on Letting Go of Unhealthy Relationships Overview

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The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships Review

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The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships ReviewI work in Family Practice and Urgent Care as a physician assistant and do most of the 'psych' in our clinic. My background is in counseling psychology as well. I consider this book the most thorough, useful and appropriate 'communications skills' self-help book I have ever read. I recommend it to my patients and friends constantly. Janee Gillette, PA-CThe Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships Overview

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Beyond Codependency: And Getting Better All the Time Review

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Beyond Codependency: And Getting Better All the Time ReviewOnce Melody Beattie's Codependent No More has been "digested", Beyond Codependency helps to move the recovering codependent past the hurt and on to the business of literally changing behaviors and making a better life. I absolutely recommend this book above any others to recovering codependents.Beyond Codependency: And Getting Better All the Time Overview

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The Road Less Travelled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth Review

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The Road Less Travelled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth ReviewI have read many books in my lifetime but none has had such an impact as this one. This is easily, hands-down the best book of its kind. I have read Further Along the Road... by Peck and while it had useful information, it was not as informative and enjoyable as this book. ( I would also highly recommend "People of the Lie") I enjoyed the stories of his personal life as well as the patients he helped (and that had helped him) along the way. This is a serious book that still made me laugh & cry sometimes. It touches on so many issues of responsibility and discipline that no review I could write could possibly do it justice. Despite a previous reviewer's comments that this book is inaccessable- it is not! Very easy to read & not too technical. This is a book that anyone who is willing to open themselves to the pain of change & challange, will forever be changed & enriched. And the author himself admitted that any definition of Love would be subject to criticism from others- but dealing with something as nebulous and intangible, I think Mr. Peck does a terrific job. Especially when he notes what love is NOT. It has helped me to identify when someone's motives are not out of love- which seeks to help the person it touches. I really cannot think of another book that is as important as this one. Give it to a loved one as a gift--a gift they will never forget and hopefully- if they aren't "character disordered" they will see that this book can help them perhaps more than any other.The Road Less Travelled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth Overview

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Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You Review

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Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You ReviewI am an emotional blackmailer, I just had no idea until I read this book. It was suggested to me by my soon to be ex- husband who couldn't take it anymore. I thought I was being strong and standing my ground and this book helped me to see that I was emotionally bullying other people. I beleived I was always right and no human being can be. It also helped me to see that it doesn't matter if you are wrong or right, making another person feel as if they must agree with you or they are "bad" is not OK. I was using the behaviors descibed in the book to protect myself from being hurt and have hurt sooooo many others in the process. If you're a person who always feels like a victim or have no idea why so many people don't like you when you think you're such a wonderful person READ IT!!!Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You Overview

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Facing Codependence: What It Is, Where It Comes from, How It Sabotages Our Lives Review

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Facing Codependence: What It Is, Where It Comes from, How It Sabotages Our Lives ReviewSome things said simply are more powerful thanks to their simplicity. This book provides a forceful, unflinching description of how people who are raised in a dysfunctional or abusive environment often sabotage and cripple their lives. The structure of the book is straightforward. The situations Mellody discusses are often sound sadly ordinary rather than extraordinary. But the resulting emotional resonance of this book is undeniable.
Mellody methodically dissects the disorder she calls codependency. She first explains how when working with addicted individuals as a nurse in a recovery center in Arizona she saw a repeated pattern of dysfunctional behavior in individuals and their families that went beyond the addictions for which the individuals were being treated. Her work there and her own personal development led to the conclusions in this book. (One of the wonderful aspects of the book is that when Mellody talks about codependents and their behavior) she does not speak condescendingly about "those codependents", but rather uses examples that begin with "I" or "us." This creates a powerful intimacy.
There are four main sections to the book. The first section details what she sees as the core symptoms of codependency: difficulty experiencing appropriate levels of self-esteem, difficulty setting functional boundaries, difficulty owning and expressing one's own reality, difficulty taking care of one's adult needs and wants, and difficulty behaving moderately. The second section details how dysfunctional family can push a child (whom Mellody describes as inherently valuable, vulnerable, imperfect, dependent, and immature) into codependency. The third section describes the many kinds of abuse (most of which are not obviously traumatizing on first review) that can push an individual, particularly a child toward codependency. And the last section provides a very preliminary road map to healing codependency: the first step she argues is an awareness of one's codependent state, and second step is a desire to change.
The book addresses well struggles that are an issue for many/most people. It touches on feelings that make books like "The Prince of Tides" and Alice Miller's "The Drama of the Gifted Child" resonant for so many. Here the presentation of more clinical, but not necessarily any less moving. I have two main complaints with the book. First, I don't think the term "codependent" does justice to the broad variety of symptoms that Mellody covers. In fact, I think the title of book alone might dissuade people who otherwise benefit from reading the book. I don't have a wonderful alternative, but I think a title like "Facing Dysfunctional Behavior" or "Facing Self-sabotaging Behavior" would be more accurate. Second, as in many of the twelve-step programs, Mellody consider a "Higher Power" an element in addressing codependent behavior. In reading the book I saw no reason to bring in this concept, and doing so might limit the applicability of these insight to those who are so predisposed. A good, and surprisingly powerful, little powerful book.Facing Codependence: What It Is, Where It Comes from, How It Sabotages Our Lives Overview

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Principle-Centered Leadership Review

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Principle-Centered Leadership Reviewthis follow-up to Covey's enormous and enduring bestseller, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, he applies the same framework to leadership in organizations. If you have read and remember the first book, you may find little really new in this one, although a slightly different angle on the familiar material may be more rewarding than re-reading the first. Whether or not you agree with or find useful all of Covey's seven habits, the virtue-based approach of this work can deliver the goods more lastingly than rule-based approaches that fail to change your basic method of operating. Drawing on a heritage that goes all the way back to Aristotle, Covey's habit/virtue approach to life and our priorities allows him to show convincingly that business and ethics can comfortably live together. In the midst of the incredible change continually afoot in the Innovation Economy, Covey's message is to find the principle-centered core in ourselves and our organizations. Principle-centered leadership is the natural outcome of applying Covey's original message to those in executive positions of all kinds. What is the downside to this approach? Only that this means no quick fixes. Principles and habits take hard work and may look less attractive than books offering techniques and gimmicks for improved leadership effectiveness. In the end, managers know that this downside is not real, since the quick tricks either don't work or soon fail. Covey's approach can help you find the stable, guiding core amidst the mad tumble of the business world.Principle-Centered Leadership Overview

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Primal Leadership: Learning to Lead with Emotional Intelligence Review

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Primal Leadership: Learning to Lead with Emotional Intelligence Review"Primal Leadership" is the latest best-seller in the "emotional intelligence" business book series that has become a franchise for psychologist and former New York Times writer Daniel Goleman.
It might be accurately subtitled: "Three Ph.D.s Cite Tons of Research to Convince Business Executives (Yet Again) that Feelings Matter to People at Work."
The research underlying the authors' assertions about the importance of improving one's emotional control and quality of interpersonal relationships is chronicled in end notes that run 34 pages in relatively small point type.
If you aren't an end note reader, you may not notice that the otherwise credible trio of Goleman, Boyatzis and McKee often give no credit whatsoever in the book's very readable main narrative to the scientists whose work they unabashedly appropriate or reference only in passing. This is especially surprising and disappointing given Dr. Boyatzis's own substantial and distinguished history of contributions to the academic and practical literature.
The "Primal Leadership" authors' well-documented case boils down to this: 1) People respond to their leaders either positively or negatively. And therefore, 2) Leaders need to work on developing an effective leadership style by A. Knowing themselves, B. Controlling their emotional impulses, C. Relating better to others, D. Influencing others to further the organization's work.
Hard to argue with that, even without a truckload of citations.
Now the critical question: Will reading this book give you the tools to improve your own "emotional intelligence"?
In a word, an emphatic and disappointing, no.
You may find yourself jumping up and down screaming, "Yes! Yes! Yes!," to the book's persuasive demand for better leaders, but you're inevitably left whimpering, "Now what?"
For example, the authors tell us we need to "reconfigure" our brains but offer scant help in defining a useful process for accomplishing that. In fact, that is the recurring fatal flaw for this occasionally impressive work--calling for action but specifying little but tired, overly-familiar generalities.
Its recommendations should be familiar to anyone who has ever taken the most basic leadership course (or heard even a mediocre professional speaker at a conference in the past 30 years):
1. Picture your ideal self.
2. Assess your current self.
3. Develop a learning agenda.
4. Experiment with new practices.
5. Develop supportive relationships.
To flesh out these familiar themes, "Primal Leadership" offers vague approaches such as "stealth learning"--code, apparently, for accidental learning by, uh, living.
And it points to old standbys such as using mental rehearsal and actual practice to break old habits. On what should you focus your mental and physical rehearsals?
Well, the authors advise paying attention to your 360-degree feedback, and perhaps finding a mentor or hiring a coach to find out.
Hardly the stuff that one needs reams of doctorate-level research to conclude.
The same is true of the advice offered for "building emotionally intelligent organizations." The authors suggest creating "process norms" and ground rules for teams, and holding honest conversations about the culture that people work in.
Does any of that strike you as new or even particularly insightful? Okay, how about this one. The authors urge: Have a vision.
A busy executive simply won't find much here for undertaking the self-improvement for which Dr. Goleman and his colleagues incessantly lobby. In fact, you could capture all the book's useful advice in a one-page outline. But it will take you many hours to tease it out of the lengthy prose. And once you have, it won't impress you as new or novel.
In the final analysis, this sizeable and serious-sounding book is neither scholarly nor practical. It is a resounding success in making a compelling case for action but then fails just as miserably in offering nothing but the vaguest and most uninspired plan for action.
Strip away the research citations and Daniel Goleman and his erstwhile colleagues have delivered the same old plea for better leaders with the same old solutions for creating them--all dressed up in a new best-seller.
So, unfortunately, for the intended business manager reader this well-documented work amounts to intellectual cherries jubilee: tantalizing, sophisticated, carefully prepared, but devoid of useful nutrients.Primal Leadership: Learning to Lead with Emotional Intelligence Overview

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Home Theater For Dummies Review

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Home Theater For Dummies ReviewI went out and got Home Theater for Everyone (Harley), Build Your Home Theater in a Weekend (Bruyn/Karabian), The Complete Idiot's Guide to Home Theater Systems (Miller), Use Your PC to Build An Incredible Home Theater System (Farkas and Govier), and Home Theater for Dummies (Briere and Hurley). (I've posted this review in each of the books).
There's a clear difference among these books, and approaches. In order, I would get these books:
1. (tie) Home Theater for Everyone; Home Theater for Dummies. This surprised me. I've heard a lot about Harley's book and it is great. It's getting dated though, and some stuff was simply way over my head for what I'm going to do with my home theater. But it's one of those books you have to read even if you don't understand a lot of it (and mind you, I've got seven computers in my house, a 100Meg LAN, multiple wireless systems, etc...I'm not scared of technical stuff.) It's not so much not understanding it, as much as it is that a lot of it while important to a magazine editor such as Harley, it's not something that you're going to use in putting in your home theater.
Home Theater for Dummies surprised me. I must say, I found it incredibly well researched, practical, and more homey and less academic than Harley's book. I think the title would keep a lot of the HT mags from reviewing it, thinking it beneath them. And the authors clearly know how to have fun (they have sections on how to create your own drive-in and another on bathroom theater.) They cover home theater PCs and Windows XP Media Center PCs, as well as wireless projectors -- so this is truly up to day at publication time because these are relatively new things. (Harley's book does not even mention HTPCs and gives relatively small coverage to personal video recorders (PVRs) which HT for Dummies covers well. I'd say just get this book, but no one would believe me.
3. User Your PC To Build An Incredible Home Theater System. This is a niche book for the techies that like to build their own PCs. Sort of like me :-) I found it knowledgeable and fun, but like I said, you would not buy this book to build a home theater.
4. The Complete Idiots Guide to Home Theater Systems. I liked this book's coverage of budgets and little facts in the book. However there was nothing on HTPCs, the pricing is already dated, and there was nothing in it not covered in Home Theater for Dummies. So if I have to choose between being a Dummy or an Idiot, I'd say I'm a Dummy.
5. Build Your Home Theater In A Weekend. This was basically a waste of money. It was a nice effort, but outclassed by the competition above. It's not worth a longer review.
If you are looking to put a home theater in your home, I'd recommend Harley and Briere/Hurley. Briere/Hurley also wrote Smart Homes for Dummies which they referenced in the HT book -- I'm getting that now, because it basically tells me how to extend my home theater all over the house. Since I spent a lot of money on my home theater, I'm betting, based on HT4Dummies, that their book is worth the $$$.
My two cents.Home Theater For Dummies Overview

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